Waiting For My Missionary

I'm in a slump again. GRR!!!

Okay, so school has been back in session for awhile now, and I only got three letters this entire summer (by letters, I mean envelopes... but his letters were all really short). I know, I'm complaining, but I might as well do it here. It's okay for us to complain sometimes, after all. I mean... we deserve a sounding board.

As I was saying, school started a few weeks ago... and I haven't sent a single letter since it did. I feel horrible! One week, I wrote but didn't mail, the next week, I didn't write... and this week I'm writing tomorrow (time already set aside). Since it's Labor Day weekend, I won't get to mail anything until Tuesday... which means that he will be going almost a month without a letter from me. This makes me feel bad...

BUT, what makes me feel even WORSE is that I've forgotten to wear the necklace he gave me three days this week. I remember him telling me the last time we saw each other not to feel bad if I didn't think about him every day (after I told him not to feel bad if he thought of me sometimes)... and while I still think about him every day... it is not nearly as much as I did a month or two ago. Despite his urging not to feel bad, I feel horrible.

I know that I'm in an awkward stage in the waiting process... not halfway there, but long enough in that he feels forever far away. I can no longer see our past clearly... but our future is distant and hazy.

I love him, I do... but this is harder than I thought it would be. I just wish I could remember more clearly. I just wish that I could have another glimpse that this is right.

Sorry this is so depressing. I really only seem to write on here when I'm down and missing him... and having doubts. I guess it's a good sign that I don't write often. I hope you ladies are doing well, and that your missionary is focused, but still finds the time to send you his love.

Bobbie